When it comes to being a good sports parent the old adage rings true: actions speak louder than words.
Before we discuss what actions parents can take to create a positive sports environment for their children, let’s get a clear understanding about what it means to be a good sports parent.
Firstly, when we say “sports parent” we simply mean a caregiver who has a child that plays sports.
Good sports parents are those that are supportive of everyone involved in their child’s sport. This means being supportive of your child, their peers, coaching staff, and the judges and officials.
Now, let’s dive into some of the most important practices that makes a good sports parent.
Good sports parents get active
If you want your child to participate in youth sports, the best thing you can do is get active! While some parents might feel that they have to sacrifice their own physical activity in order to raise active children, the opposite is actually true.
A recent study from Statistics Canada found that activity in children increases with active parents. This means that your health and fitness can actually be a catalyst for your children.
Unfortunately, the same study also found that sedentary parents are more likely to have sedentary children.
So, the first step in being a good sports parent is living an active lifestyle for yourself.
One of the best ways to live an active lifestyle is to make your physical activity part of spending time with your children.
Fun activities for kids and parents don’t have to be overly complicated. They can be as simple as kicking the ball around the yard. What’s most important is that both you and your child get exercise and share quality time together.
Encourage activity for kids, not a specific sport
Registering your young children for a sport you enjoyed as a kid could backfire if they’re not yet ready. As parents, it’s important for us not to push kids into sports until they show interest.
If you watch closely, your child will likely show you how to be a good sports parent, just by how they engage in active play. As children engage in different activities, they’re likely to gravitate toward certain movements. For example, children that show an interest in climbing may be more likely to enjoy gymnastics than a sport like soccer.
Of course, if your kids are showing interest in a variety of sports, make sure you involve them in deciding which sport they sign-up for.
When kids are involved in choosing which sport they play, they are more likely to feel a sense of control.
And entering organized sports with a sense of control may help your child adapt to the new experience!
Good sports parents separate identity from sport
Every parent wants the best for their child, so it can be easy to get caught up in the excitement of youth sports. Competitive parents, and those parents who were athletes themselves, may even feel a rush of adrenaline when their child performs well.
For many parents, watching their kids in sports gives them their first glance of their child’s independence. So, it’s no wonder some of us get a little emotional.
However, when this rush of emotion subsides, it’s good to remember that your child’s athletic performance is not a reflection of your parenting.
If your child struggles with athletics, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Similarly, if your child excels in athletics, it doesn’t mean you’re a good parent! Either way, it’s not something we, as parents, should take personally because it’s not really about us.
Good sports parents make sure that their identity remains separate from their child’s athletic performance.
Many would even argue that it’s also important that your child’s identity doesn’t get wrapped up in their athletic performance. Your child needs to know that their self-worth shouldn’t be reliant on sports.
Kids playing sports are naturally going to have opinions about how well they played. And it’s good to listen to those opinions if your child wants to share.
However, if your child begins to communicate negative opinions about him or herself because of their performance, it may be time to take a step back. This doesn’t mean quitting sports. It can simply mean encouraging diversified play and interests in activities outside of sport. Having a conversation about self-esteem and self-worth is important as well.
The key takeaway is to make sure your child remembers that their sense of self-worth is not reliant on sports.
Reminding them about the importance of community, family and friends can be a good way to help realign their perspective.
Kids playing sports should focus on the moment
For kids, the future seems like it’s miles away. And when it comes to kids playing sports, the future is best kept at that distance.
As we mentioned in our recent coaching tips article, the best coaches tend to simplify things and ground their athletes in the moment. This not only helps their performance, but from a parenting perspective, it also takes unnecessary stress out of the game.
As kids grow older, sports scholarships can become a focus. But try to keep things balanced. After all, a sports scholarship isn’t the reason your child first showed interest in play.
If you’re wondering how to help your child succeed in sports, consider your role in keeping them focused on the moment.
In fact, good sports parents may find it useful to disregard talks about their child’s future in sports altogether.
Instead of talking about the future, emphasize the enjoyment of the sport itself. Ask them what movements or actions they love best about their sport.
Getting children to think about individual moments is a great way to reduce stress and redirect their focus back to the sport they love.
When to offer constructive criticism for kids in sports
In all levels of sport, you’re likely to find two types of athletes: those that just want to play the game, and those who want to dissect it. Some kids love breaking down the elements of their sport and discussing all the details. However, others may feel that discussing the details is simply added noise in their head.
As a parent, it’s only natural to want to help your child. Competitive parents who grew up playing the same sport as their children may find it even more tempting to tell their child what they did wrong and where they can improve. But for some kids, this sort of discussion can take the fun right out of athletics.
So, instead of launching into an unprompted pep talk or offering unwanted constructive criticism, it may be best to wait for your child to ask for advice.
And remember when your child asks, “how did I do today?”, they may just want some positive reinforcement.
If you’re not sure whether your child wants to hear detailed feedback you can always ask. Consider saying something like, “You did well today. Is there anything in particular that you’re worried about?”
If your child says “No”, there’s a good chance they just wanted to hear your support. In that case, you can consider your good parenting mission accomplished.
Good sports parents help coaches
If your child seems to enjoy hearing your advice, make sure to ask them about the advice their coach is giving them.
Does your advice contradict what their coach is saying? If so, children may end up feeling confused and stressed out.
As we’ve already discussed, it’s easiest to keep sports fun when children focus on the moment. Choosing between taking your advice or their coach’s advice can become a distracting conundrum.
Being a good sports parent is all about looking in the mirror and holding yourself accountable. If you know your advice contradicts the advice of your child’s coach, complete an honest assessment of the situation and consider what’s best.
In most cases, it’s likely better to encourage your child to follow the advice of their coach. Although you may feel like your advice or experience is worth hearing, minimizing their stress can help maximize their fun. Ensuring your child is enjoying themselves is always priority number one.
Lastly, if you tell your child that “coach knows best”, be sure your actions support that statement. This means being a positive, supportive observer. If you end up yelling advice that contradicts the coach when your up in the stands, it’s likely to create a bad sports environment for your child.
Children learn self-control when sports parents display self-control
The way you behave when you’re in the stands watching your child is important. As mentioned above, you don’t want your actions and words in the stands to create unnecessary stress for you child.
Moreover, your child gets their cues about sportsmanship from their surroundings. As a parent, this means that your positive behavior in and around their sport can instill positive habits in them.
When you display self-control in the stands and after competition, your child learns self-control. And when you cheer for everyone, your child is more likely to cheer for everyone too.
Being a good sports parent means cheering for everyone!
Competitive parents and youth sports don’t always mix well. Even if you’re doing a great job supporting your child, there may be some parents creating a tough sports environment. Loud and competitive sports parents can put a damper on kids sports.
To counteract this sort of behavior, consider making an honest effort to cheer on your child’s teammates and even allow yourself to compliment the competition.
When you respond to an impressive performance honestly, other parents may be subtly reminded that impressive feats transcend team colours. Positive sports parenting actions like these can help fend off any negative emotions stirred up during competition.
Don’t forget the coaches, judges, conveners or volunteers who are spending time and putting in effort to make youth sports available to your child and their peers.
Competing in an organized sports league is something few kids get to experience across the world. Showing gratitude for the opportunity your child has can help create a positive sports environment.
If you find it difficult to cheer for, or compliment the other team, focus on the sport! Consider saying “good game” or “that was a great competition” to help re-frame a tough situation. When emotions are running high, it can take a while to cool off. But that doesn’t mean the situation can’t be re-framed.
A tough loss comes from tough competition, that’s a fact! And of course, often times tough competition allows for great learning opportunities for kids.
Be brave! Ask your kids how you’re doing as a sports parent
We all know how important it is to communicate with our children. Often, parents are leaned on to help children navigate difficult situations. However, like any good relationship, it’s good to treat communication as a two-way street.
Make it clear that you’re interested to hear from your child about the details of their experience. How do they feel about what’s happening at practices and competitions? How do they feel about the fans? And specifically, how do they feel about your involvement?
A note on anti-bullying
When talking with your child about their experiences in practice and in competition, listen for any hints of bullying. As we’ve talked about in other blog posts, bullying impacts millions of youth across Canada and the USA.
The impacts of being bullied are significant, so it’s important for all coaches, administrators and parents to be on the look out.
If you hear of bullying happening in your child’s locker room, make sure you discuss it with your child. Furthermore, be sure to tell the coaching and administrative staff so they can intervene.
For more on the subject of bullying, check out our blog about how to stop bullying in sports. If you have any tips about bullying prevention, we’d love to hear from you. Feel free to get in touch with us on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.
Good sports parenting takes practice
In the end, being a good sports parent requires practice, just like athletics. And like athletic training, an off-day doesn’t define you as a parent. Instead, the impact you have on your child’s sporting environment is all about consistency over time.
The more often you practice positive sports parenting, like cheering for your child’s teammates, the greater your impact will be on their sports experience. The best part is that if you want to make changes to your sports parenting style, tomorrow always provides another opportunity.
